Brave New Wednesday: Back to School Edition

Brave New Wednesday was easy this week. It was the first day of school! This semester finds me in Contemporary American Authors – more reading than writing. I can tell already it is going to be an interesting class. Before the instructor even arrived, the room was loud, which is highly unusual for a room full of writers, especially a room full writers who don’t know each other. From what I can gather, the objective of the class is to read things we hate, but in a good way. I’ll take it. I have a good feeling about this one, and not just because when I mentioned Kawabata, the instructor’s response was “Is he the one with the foot fetish?” (He’s not.)

A brief exchange after class got me thinking about the difference between creative non-fiction and fiction. Mr. Instructor is into breaking down the barrier between the two, and although I hadn’t thought of it in quite those terms before, it is a compelling concept. Even in terms of this here blog, once any event is filtered through perception, it becomes fictional. It is not as if I wake up on Tuesdays and think, “The theme for today is sandals!” Ok, bad example. It is not as if I wake up on Tuesdays and think, “The theme for today will be things happening suddenly!” The whole idea of the theme emerges as I start to write about the events, but the theme itself is not inependently factual. Just as characters in real life transform as they reach the page in fiction, real events transform as they reach in the page in non-fiction. Granted there is a little less leeway in how they transform, but still they transform. We have to make up the links. It’s all the lens of perception.

Speaking of lenses, and transformation:

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Misbehaving Tuesday: Booty Beauty Edition

The recognition of beauty in the world should, without hesitation, be celebrated by shaking your booty boys and girls. Macy Gray is onto something, and I for one plan to joyfully shake my booty whenever the situation calls for it. Green leaves? Shake the booty. Sleeping dog? Shake the booty. Brown butterfly on a lilac bush? Shake the booty. Sunlight moving across the broken floor of a burned out building? Shake that righteous booty, people.

This is one of many things I learned at the mall today – the song was on in a store. I had some legitimate business there (a new router) but decided I would laze away an hour or two with some mindless retail behavior this last Misbehaving Tuesday before the big Fall frenzy of responsibilities. I even got a latte. I was THAT retail.

During my mall-zombie walk, I considered getting stuff to adorn my booty, but alas, this trend of underpants with seams up the butt persists, and I cannot abide. A trend that does delight me, however, is the flower-in-hair trend. There are little flower barrettes and headbands everywhere, and my hair is at just the right length for festooning these days.

By the way, taking a picture of the side of your own head? Kinda hard.

Let’s see, that’s underpants, hair… oh, of course, shoes. This week is last call for white sandals this year, so I am making a point of wearing white sandals as often as possible until Labor Day. It has been pointed out to me that white sandals after Labor Day is misbehaving and this is an excellent point. However, on Misbehaving Tuesday I am more interested in sticking it to the man than to Emily Post. Granted, going to the mall and shopping at Apple and Starbucks is not sticking it to the man. But, if I remember my recent history correctly, if we don’t all keep the economy going, the terrorists win, so it is a comfort to know that satin head flowers are at least sticking it to the terrorists. That’s right, satin head flowers, made under slave labor conditions in foreign lands, COMMUNIST foreign lands. Terrorists or communists, your choice. Supporting either is misbehaving. My work is done here.

Without further ado, pics from the day. All of these worth a good booty shake, wouldn’t you say?

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Pickles and Peanut Butter

Years ago I sat on the porch of a couple who were dear friends and listened to them go several rounds over the husband’s chronic transgression: dunking whole pickles in the jar of peanut butter. I heard this argument countless times from them; her frustration and disgust at finding pickle tracks in the peanut butter jar every time she opened it, and his unblinking assertion that pickles and peanut butter are delicious.

Of course, every couple develops a pickles and peanut butter argument, or a whole assortment of pickles and peanut butter arguments, given enough time. I am appalled by Scott’s use of old toothbrushes to clean things (but he does clean, a lot, so I really can’t complain) and his overuse of the words standpoint, proceeded to, and holy shit. Yet, he persists. Likewise, I persist in whatever it is that I do that drives him crazy. I’m sure he could offer a list in the comments. I am annoying sometimes.

Anyway, some of my fondest memories of my twenties involve spending entire days on this couple’s porch, drinking coffee or beer and smoking pack after pack of cigarettes (them, Benson and Hedges; me Marlboro Ultra Light 100s; my ex, Camel Lights). One night, after several rounds of the pickles and peanut butter argument, Mr. Porch invited me to try a pickle dunked in peanut butter, and weigh in on the matter. I was brave, and I was rewarded: it was delicious!

Mrs. Porch was not thrilled with that outcome, but it was REALLY tasty, and I couldn’t hide my joy in discovering a new snack. Eventually, Mr. and Mrs. Porch divorced, not so much over the pickles and peanut butter argument, but more over -among other things- her falling in love with a woman. In the shadow of that situation, Mr. Porch’s pickle problem was of little consequence, literally and figuratively.

The point in all of this is not so much to make a statement about relationships, but to make a statement about snacks. I have been ridiculously hungry for the past couple of days, and tonight I looked in the fridge, and what did I see? Pickles and peanut butter. We don’t usually have pickles around, but I bought some last week, and when I did a scan of the refrigerator for something, anything to snack on tonight, there were the pickles and peanut butter. I had a bread and butter chip and a glob of peanut butter and it was fabulous.

Mr. Porch, wherever you are these days (Pittsburgh?), thank you for tonight’s snack inspiration.

Epilogue: As far as I know, Mrs. Porch and her love are still together, but I haven’t heard from or about her in years. Mr. Porch remarried very happily and moved to Pittsburgh.

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What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Learned

1. Pedicures aren’t worth it. Sitting in a comfy chair and having some one rub my feet is heavenly, but I do a much better job with aesthetic parts. (And the last time I went, the gal assigned to me cut me with the cuticle nippers. Ow.)
2. One of the best things to come from practicing and teaching yoga is patience. Lots and lots and lots of patience.
3. Solid, long-term relationships can become something completely different and new in an instant, in a wonderful way, if you allow it.
4. Stuffed grape leaves are food of the gods.
5. How to make the perfect chocolate protein shake.
6. It takes a little longer these days to recover from burnout. What I thought I would shake in a few weeks took all summer. See #2.
7. Spraying cooking spray on a hot grill will turn your grill in to a jet engine. Propellants are kind of flammable, yo.
8. A summer without a beach trip is kind of sad.
9. But there is a cute little beach 27 minutes from my house.
10. If stuff posted on Facebook and Twitter lately is any indication, I am going to get some comments when I admit that I don’t know who Glen Beck is, other than that he is some dude on TV who yells at people?
11. Netflix. Why didn’t I do this sooner?
12. Buying a hammock is surprisingly complicated.
13. Ridiculously expensive yoga clothes are worth it when I spend anywhere from 20-40 hours a week in them, usually sweating. And what they do for the booty? Heavens. Lululemon really needs to start making jeans.

Went

1. Asheville, and also a mile above Asheville.
2. The little beach 27 minutes from my house. It is good to live near a big bay.
3. TEDx Oil Spill.
3. My dad’s house, and more specifically, the hammock on the patio attached to my dad’s house.
4. Um. Whole Foods a bunch of times.
5. The mall, to pick up an iPhone4. (Which, no matter how hard I try, will not lose signal strength. Haters, please. Check yourselves.)

Did

1. Finished three stories, two suitable for publication somewhere.
2. Started Tai Chi. It’s wonderful, and I am looking forward to continuing.
3. Launched WordFrolic. Yay! But, see Learned, #2.
4. Took lots and lots and lots of pictures, some of them pretty.
5. Revamped my yoga site. Well, almost. I’ll probably wrap it up this weekend or early next week.
6. Taught roughly 65 yoga classes.
7. Bought new eyeliner. This doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I have been using the same eyeliner since November of 2003, which goes to show how much makeup I wear. What, it’s only my eye bacteria on there.

Read

1. A bunch of yoga books
2. Sex at Dawn
3. The Way of the Superior Man
4. Karma and Chaos
5. Every Baltimore craigslist missed connection posted since, I don’t know, late June, maybe?

Heck of a summer. Grad school starts back up next week, marking the end. I’m sad, but looking forward to the power surge that always comes with the change of seasons, and of course, I’ll be in sandals until December 11 or thereabouts, anyway.

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Misbehaving Tuesday: Suddenly Tuesday Edition

I had all of these plans yesterday to go out and misbehave. This is the last week before school starts up again, and already the pace of life has started to pick up. I dressed and got ready to go, when all of the sudden, I was watching a French movie and drinking tea. What the…? There went my afternoon.

A trip out to pick up our CSA share later in the day was supposed to lead into a yoga class, but then suddenly I was in a store where I found a misbehaving dress on clearance. How misbehaving is it? Well, it combines plaid and stripes and THE STRIPES RUN HORIZONTALLY ACROSS THE WIDEST PART OF ME. Suck it, What Not To Wear. By some miracle of stripery, it actually looks good. Adorable, if I do say so. Either that I need to find out what kind of crack-smoking ego mirrors are in that store and have them installed all over my house.

So, plaid and stripes. It is precisely the kind of thing I would have worn when I was younger. I don’t know when I stopped the plaid and stripes and polka dots and paisley all at the same time madness, but suddenly I was an adult with a respectable job that involved offices and reporting relationships and Power Point presentations, and I started wearing things like sweater sets and pearls and tailored skirts and pantyhose all at the same time, and all THAT got me was more respectable jobs with color printers and executive summaries and who needs that shit, really?

With that, I have a nice new misbehaving thing to look forward to for Fall -plaid and stripes dress. Next, hats.

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New Creative Thingies

I just added a new story to the creative thingies page. This story is password protected, but as always, if I know you in real life or in blog life, I am happy to share the password. Just send me an email or leave a comment. If you’ve read my stuff before THANK YOU! and the password is the same.

This piece is the inspiration piece I sent to my partner for the next round of SPARK, and I am thinking of sending this one out to some flash fiction sites as well. It came from an exercise in class last semester – always nice when those bear fruit.

And it has BEES in it.

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We Have A Winner!

The winner of the first ever Misbehaving Tuesday: I’m Having a Caption Contest and You Can Win Something Awesome! Contest is Matt, of Philadelphia, PA.

Congratulations, Matt! A Barnes and Noble gift certificate is on the way. Perhaps you can use it toward one of the books pictured.

Thanks, everyone, for your comments! I got a good laugh out of these, and I don’t know about the rest of you, but I surely enjoyed this trip to the, eh, shelf-help department.

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Brave New Wednesday: Teaching, Learning, and Everything in Between Edition

First of all, this post is not going to be about my hair. I promise.

Second, lots of new today. I taught two classes this morning, and after the first one, a student (who is probably well past twice my age) told me that I am a delight. I have been told I am a lot of things by people who take my classes, but that was a new one and I am still smiling about it. I taught a bunch of new stuff in the second class which went over fairly well, and then tonight for the first time in years I went to a yoga class at the gym, where there is a new teacher whose approach was new to me. It was a very gentle, mellow, short practice, but still I was buzzing like a chainsaw at the end of it.

Between the teaching and the taking, I messed with my hair (Oh, fine. And you know what else? Underpants.) trying to decide what comes next in the growing out process. I snapped a picture to send to my mom for advice and something or other. And the picture reminded me of something.

I think this is where I’m heading, unless I change my mind and go back to shorty short short tomorrow. Until all of the layers grow out, it’s disorganized, and I am not sure I am brave enough to handle that, even on a Wednesday. Time will tell.

High class worries.

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Misbehaving Tuesday: I’m Having A Caption Contest And You Can Win Something Awesome! Edition

Part of my misbehaving today found me lallygagging in Barnes and Noble, where I saw this:

There is something really funny about this arrangement (I sat and grinned at it for several minutes) but I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is. Can you? Best caption wins… something. Awesome. Something awesome! I promise. Yay!

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Spice Girl

This summer my mom and her gentleman bought a house together. Over the weekend I visited them as cohabitors for the first time. Here are some things that happened.

We sat outside and talked about funny things.

And some serious things.

I was reminded that a penchant for funky shoes is genetic. (It is still a great disappointment that my mom and I don’t wear the same size.)

There was some nature on the porch.

This peacock made me think of buddhas.

Inside the house, there is a balcony from which mom and her gentleman address their subjects. Welease Woger!

When I got home, I found THIS!

For the past three plus years, the spices have been on open shelves in our tiny kitchen, which meant that I was always knocking into them and sending containers of cinnamon and garlic bouncing down the basement stairs. Even worse, the containers got all kitchensticky. I don’t like kitchensticky. Kitchensticky is one of those things that makes me feel like a failure as an adult. Really, I’m supposed to be a contributing, functional member of society and I can’t even keep my spice containers from getting sticky and covered in cat hair? What is wrong with me? The little reminder of inadequacy every time I reach for the Old Bay is a total bummer.

Happily, though, last weekend I found a narrow cabinet at Ikea that would fit in the same small space as the shelves. Scott put it up while I was away (and cleaned off all of the containers), so obviously the first thing I had to do when I got home today, before I even unpacked my bag, was alphabetize me some spices.

Soon, the cabinet will be painted. I’m thinking white, with some orange and blue, and it maybe something clever on it, like “Here are the spices!”

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