The $64,000 Question

During the teacher training this weekend my most nagging, burning yoga question was answered. It’s something I’ve wondered for years, but never found the right time to ask. Some one else finally asked, and it turns out it is a yogic phenomenon about which many, many other people have had questions over the years.

It’s vagina farts.

Specifically, it’s the intake of air by the lady parts that occurs involuntarily during inversions, inevitably followed by involuntary expulsion of that air upon return to earth. My teacher handled the question with her usual humor and candor, going so far as to mimic the noise with her face, and assuring us that it doesn’t matter how many kegels one does, or how strong one’s mulabandha becomes, there’s no controlling it. I was relieved to learn that it happens to most women, not just me. In fact, her answer was followed by a ten minute discussion about farts during class in general, and a mini queef confessional. One woman told a story about trying to excuse herself from a class when she was about to deflate, and instead, as she put it, “queefed my way out the door.”

The weekend was a great release – fasting and lots of active, crazy meditations – but really, once you have a discussion about vagina farts in a room of thirty-four people, there’s no more holding back.