For quite a few years now, after January 1st I have considered myself the age I am going to turn in that year. So, if asked my age between January 1 and April 19, I have to think really hard about the answer. Actually, I always have to think hard about how old I am, but it takes a special amount of cranial fortitude between January 1st and my birthday each year, because I have already decided that I am a year older and then there’s math involved.
I was thinking about this today, and realized that I couldn’t remember what year I started doing this, but somewhere along the way, I totally lost a January 1 – April 19 of some age.
So, if I were to get back a January 1 – April 19, which one would I take?
January 1 – April 19, 2008, Age 32
Overview: Living here, working at the studio, tired all the time because of the weird hours.
Highlights: We live in Baltimore!
Lowlights: My job wasn’t a great fit and I couldn’t decide what kind of change to make, or how, or when.
Verdict: I’ve had better.
January 1 – April 19, 2007, Age 31
Overview: Living in Silver Spring, making the decision to move to Baltimore.
Highlights: Fun job, looking for houses is exciting.
Lowlights: That persistent smell in the bathroom.
Verdict: Eh, I’ve had better.
January 1 – April 19, 2006, Age 30
Overview: Living in Silver Spring, Scott was in a job he hated, we never saw each other.
Highlights: I had a fun job.
Lowlights: Scott hated his job, we never saw each other, we were broke.
Verdict: I’ll pass.
January 1 – April 19, 2005, Age 29
Overview: Living in Oswego, making the decision to move back east.
Highlights: I could spend unlimited time futzing around the house and cooking, and I got down to my goal weight.
Lowlights: Downsizing our house and our income, and moving to an exponentially more expensive area.
Verdict: I’ll take a pass on this one, too. That moving process sucked.
January 1 – April 19, 2004, Age 28
Overview: Living in Minneapolis, getting ready to move to Illinois.
Highlights: Minneapolis is awesome, I don’t have to work, and those generic cereals from Cub Foods – yum. And looking for houses is exciting!
Lowlights: Scott was away five days a week.
Verdict: Not bad, although I missed Scott.
January 1 – April 19, 2003, Age 27
Overview: Moved into my own apartment in Plymouth Meeting after ending my marriage, starting a relationship with Scott.
Highlights: Scott and I got together.
Lowlights: Everything else.
Verdict: The first months after divorce? No way.
January 1 – April 19, 2002, Age 26
Overview: My grandmother died and I start to realize I don’t want to be married.
Highlights: Just the ones growing out of my hair.
Lowlights: The whole damn year.
Veridct: Fuck no.
January 1 – April 19, 2001, Age 25
Overview: Dan and I are living together and my parents are newly separated.
Highlights: Dan and I have a ridiculous amount of fun together.
Lowlights: I am still keeping the secret of my parents’ separation. Zoloft.
Verdict: Meh. Family drama. No thanks.
January 1 – April 19, 2000, Age 24
Overview: Living in St. Louis, campaign fundraising, subsisting on pizza hut pizza, diet coke, and pudding snacks.
Highlights: Absolutely the greatest new years ever.
Lowlights: Dr. Batman.
Verdict: No. Just no.
January 1 – April 19, 1999, Age 23
Overview: Moved from State College to DC for a job in April.
Highlights: Early in the year, dating John, which was great. Got to hang out with Joel and Eric in DC, and hear about Joel’s first date with his wife. Moved from one awesome apartment to another.
Lowlights: Driving a Uhaul from State College to my parents’ house in the middle of the night to drop off extra furniture, finally getting to a hotel outside of DC around 4am. Relationship with John fizzled.
Verdict: Who knows what the hell they’re doing at 23? Not bad, but nah.
January 1 – April 19, 1998, Age 22
Overview: Last semester of college, newly single, waiting to hear from graduate schools.
Highlights: Getting into my first choice graduate program.
Lowlights: Recovering from a breakup, and that first choice graduate program provided almost no financial aid.
Verdict: Sort of an awkward, limbo time, but gee, college was fun.
January 1 – April 19, 1997, Age 21
Overview: I’m fat and fed up with my roomates.
Highlights: My tolerance is AWESOME.
Lowlights: Buying bigger shorts on the first warm day of the year.
Verdict: I think I had a lot of fun getting fat, but I can’t remember.
January 1 – April 19, 1996, Age 20
Overview: On the tail end of the exhilaration of transferring to PSU and joining the fraternity.
Highlights: All the shit I can’t remember. And football.
Lowlights: All the shit that everyone else remembers. And that sunburn on spring break.
Verdict: This was a pretty fun time. Excepting the week of spring break, definitely a contender.
January 1 – April 19, 1995, Age 19
Overview: Second semester sophomore year at BU, recovering from a lousy breakup, evil roommate.
Highlights: Cute Latin professor.
Lowlights: Having to move out of my dorm because of my evil roommate.
Verdict: This was a plain old rotten time. No.
January 1 – April 19, 1994, Age 18
Overview: Second semester freshman year at BU. I’m a grownup!
Highlights: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
Lowlights: Some personal choices of which I was not particularly proud.
Verdict: A fun time, but stressful (see above). Probably not.
January 1 – April 19, 1993, Age 17
Overview: I’m a second semester senior. Wooooooo! I’ve already gotten into Pitt, which sounds like lots of fun. Waiting to hear from other schools.
Highlights: Late nights at IHOP with the boys, and dating a nice, older guy who smelled good and convinced me to apply to BU.
Lowlights: The nice guy moved to St. Thomas. I spent some time pining and whining. Trigonometry.
Verdict: While I have no desire to relive my teens, this one is a contender.
January 1 – April 19, 1992, Age 16
Overview: Junior year, dating a nice boy, doing junior year stuff.
Highlights: I wrote some really funny things in my journal.
Lowlights: I’ve had my license for almost a year but I’m not driving because I’m afraid to get behind the wheel with either of my parents in the car.
Verdict: As far as teenage times go, a nice time, but there is a reason we continue to have nightmares about high school as adults.
January 1 – April 19, 1991, Age 15
Overview: I have alienated my friends, I’m mad at the world, my grandfather and grandmother are seriously ill.
Highlights: I’ve come to realize that purple is a very good color on me.
Lowlights: My grandmother almost died, my grandfather is dying, I hate everything.
Verdict: NO.
January 1 – April 19, 1990, Age 14
Overview: We move from Yardley to Cheltenham.
Highlights: My newly acquired friends in Yardley throw me a surprise going away party, and I find friends
easily in Cheltenham. (I still have a debt of gratitude to Heather Stamm.)
Lowlights: It took me five fucking years to find friends in Yardley, and then we moved.
Verdict: Not on your life.
January 1 – April 19, 1987-1989, Ages 11-13
Overview: Junior high. These years are automatically disqualified.
January 1 – April 19, 1986, Age 10
Overview: 5th grade, last year of elementary school, first year in Yardley.
Highlights: I was the student of the month in February (most creative).
Lowlights: I’m bigger than all the other girls, and my hair sucks.
Verdict: I might as well append this year to junior high.
January 1 – April 19, 1985, Age 9
Overview: Second half of fourth grade in Princeton. I probably don’t know that we’re moving to Yardley yet.
Highlights: I have a best friend, and we do nine year old stuff together.
Lowlights: I know what fat is, and I have heard it is me.
Verdict: Probably the frontrunner.
January 1 – April 19, 1984, Age 8
Overview: Third grade. I’m still getting used to Princeton, but I’ve made some friends.
Highlights: I have friends, and I get to hang out with Douglas.
Lowlights: I talk about Baltimore all the time, so I guess I still miss it, not to mention the Colts are stolen away to Indianapolis, making my parents very sad. My ankles hurt a lot, and I think the movers lost a box of my sweaters.
Verdict: Awkward. No.
Prior to third grade I can’t really remember what I was doing at a particular time of year. The move to Princeton was pivotal; most childhood events before it blend together in a nice happy haze.
The Finalists:
28, 20, 17, 9
17 was kind of cool, but I really wouldn’t want an extra three and a half months of high school. In fact, I sometimes wonder why I never carried on with my plan to graduate early. So that’s out.
Another three and half months of 20 might have been really fun, and who couldn’t use more fun? But I don’t know, if I had much more fun in college I would still be on antibiotics.
28 was interesting and it would have been nice to get three and half more months in Minneapolis, but that whole time was a limbo time, and I think I’ve had enough of that in my life.
So that leaves me with 9. I would not want a full three and a half months of it, but nine is pretty cool. Just old enough to start appreciating adult things like real friendships and conversations, but not awkward and hormonal yet.
Conclusion:
I am the happiest person I know, but this has been a somewhat dreary exercise. The one striking conclusion I have reached is that a great deal of my fun happens between April 20 and December 31 of most years! I can think of a few moments in some of those happier years that I would like to extend, and there are some memories I return to time and again, but a full three and half months would be too much. I like now, and I am glad that it got here when it did.
