It has been said that the mark of intellectual maturity is being able to hold conflicting views simultaneously.
Flash class started last week, and on the first day the instructor -let’s call him Helmut- was somewhat worked up over having shared a computer with a student who had the flu. He talked about the syllabus a little, gave a few instructions for the lab, and then went on about having taken his temperature pre-emptively for the past couple of days. Helmut was especially indignant that the student’s mom called him to say that her son couldn’t come to class because of the flu, and that the thermometer he purchased could be used orally and anally. In fact, he threw out the plastic sheaths, just because some one might put them in a butt. It was kind of nice to meet some one whose germphobia is on par with mine, yet seems to be functioning in the world.
When I arrived in class today, the first thing I heard from Helmut was the he had in fact caught the flu. He made a point of announcing, repeatedly, that he wouldn’t be coming around to help people with their labs because he didn’t want to get germs all over us, that we shouldn’t get too close to him if we have questions, and he also announced, repeatedly, that he wasn’t handing out instructions for the lab because he didn’t want to handle papers that others would have to touch, so we were welcome to print the instructions ourselves. After ten minutes or so of this, then a few minutes of instructions about today’s assignment, we got to work. And while we worked, Helmut made a point of reminding us every few minutes that he wasn’t going to come around and get germs on us, and we shouldn’t get too close to him, and we were welcome to print the instructions ourselves, because he had the flu. For almost an hour and a half this went on, punctuated by references to South Park episodes. He also mentioned a few times that he wasn’t coming around to answer questions because he didn’t want to get germs on us, that we shouldn’t get too close to him, and that we were welcome to print the instructions for the assignment because he didn’t want to handle papers that we would have to touch. Because he had the flu.
So, I had a moment of great intellectual maturity -dotage, even- in class today, as I found myself simultaneously thinking, “DUDE, you are totally fucked in the head,” and “Oh my god, THANK YOU.”
