I am going to drink a beer and complain about bras.

You know what? There is something that bra manufacturers and department store buyers need to know: We’re out there. That’s right, we’re out there: small women with big boobs, and we are tired of wearing sports bras all the time. It annoys me to no end that when I was high school and at times in college, I couldn’t find bras big enough in department stores – I was a 36D / DD, and everything stopped at 36C before going into plus sizes – and now as a fairly fit adult, those sizes are everywhere and I can’t find bras small enough. For crying out loud, at just under 5’6″ and 120 pounds, I am on the small end of the lady spectrum, but I am not that small, and I have boobs, and I would really like to put them in pretty, comfortable bras that don’t cost more than a week’s worth of groceries and wear out about as fast.

I have spent most of my life in some kind of no-woman’s-land of bra sizing, an area that falls just outside of the realm of boob statistical normal, and it has doomed me to ridiculous beige and white contraptions that look more like something that should be propelling a sailboat than lingerie, unless I shell out the big bucks. I’m really tired of it. I’m a 32D, sometimes a C if the cut is especially generous, and I am tired of having to shop online and pay return fees, or go to special boutiques and pay a lot of money. For once in my life, I would like to be able to meander into the lingerie department at Target and buy some frilly polka-dot thing for fourteen dollars and then go home and do a happy little frilly polka-dot boobie dance all over my house.

I recognize that it is weird to be telling the internet my height, weight and bra size, but dammit, people need to know. My kind are out there in abundance. You just can’t tell because we’ve got everything flattened into sports bras.