In the car on the way up to Philly yesterday morning, it hit me again: there is not enough time.
This has been happening a lot lately. Mortality has been hanging there; it’s an almost physical presence urging me on, to go, go, go, because there is no time to waste.
It could be a big birthday coming up this year that brought this on, or could be a bunch of other things. I don’t think it matters. What matters is that we don’t get enough to fritter it away. I know that doesn’t mean that every moment is going to be spent doing something spectacular -there will still be lines at the grocery store and traffic jams- but it does mean that all moments are sacred. It is easy to be fully present in the big deal moments, but I don’t want to miss the mundane ones either. There just isn’t enough time to not completely be there for them. At the same time, life is too short to be afraid to turn the dharma upside down sometimes.
Metaphysically, there has been some interesting stuff happening. This is where I get all airy-fairy, so bear with me. On Thursday morning as I was driving to Midtown, something just… opened. Some friction that I only noticed in its absence slipped away and I felt like I could tune into anything around me, like I had just turned the knob on the radio and suddenly the station was coming through loud and clear. I have had fleeting moments of this sensation before, after extended meditation, or a fast. But, this went on through the day, on and off, and by last night, I realized that this is something I can control.
Maybe it was shushumna, maybe it was a reiki moment, maybe it was both or neither, but I accessed something, and it feels like a leap forward in connecting to the world. And I’m grateful for whatever it was -is- because there isn’t enough time to be anything other than tuned in.
