Usually, coming within inches of colliding with the car in front of me is not funny. Today it was very funny, because I almost slammed into this:
I can imagine the conversation afterward. I was distracted, officer. Would you be able to focus if you were behind a Dodge Anal? Or a Chrysler DP? What about a Ford Blowjob? See?
It is a silly name for a vehicle, first because of the dirty implications (an FJ Cruiser sounds like a character who is going to show up in my smut sometime), and also because it always makes me think of FootJoy sneakers, which I remember having an FJ stamped on the sides, and being a big deal in the seventies and eighties. A quick googling reveals that FootJoy is still around and now mostly makes golf shoes. A quick googling also reveals that it takes me three or four tries to type “footjoy” instead of “footjob.” You know, because the b and the y are close on the keyboard.
Nonetheless, it was a beautiful day for a drive, and a walk, and a run, and getting the laundry outside to dry. So many firsts today:
1. Running outside: I haven’t done this in almost a year and I completely forgot about hills. Ouch. I did, however, learn that I am in much better shape than I was this time last year, and it is very cool to be coming up on thirty-five and know that I am in better shape than I was last year, and the year before that, and the year before that…
2. Laundry hanging out to dry: First time this year. Hanging laundry outside is one of those small joys, made even sweeter when I walk out to the yard in the morning and can smell nutmeg from the McCormick plant.
3. Sandals: Debut of the pair bought back in January (ok, except for the time I wore them for ten minutes to take that picture in the snow).
4. New conditioner: Again, it’s the small joys. After spending an hour or two behind a girl who smelled like Pantene and farts at the TMBG show, my generic Pantene knock-off conditioner from Target was making me cross. Whole Foods’ generic body care products are a dream: cheap, vegan (as far as I can tell), no animal testing, and smell nice in a non-chemical way.
Among all of these firsts, I did finish my homework and some other pressing tasks, but it is possible that Jamie was far more productive than me while I was out enjoying the run, the sun, and the clothesline.
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