This Misbehaving Tuesday has been WILD. It started at breakfast, when I checked the date I opened the coconut milk -for perishables like that, I always write it on the container with a sharpie- and even though the coconut milk stays fresh for seven to ten days according to the packaging and this was day eleven, I used it anyway. That’s right. Unsweetened coconut milk, open for eleven days, all over my shredded wheat. I live on the fucking EDGE.
Then I spent the rest of the day freaking out every time I burped, terrified I had food poisoning.
So, every now and then, there is a Thing. I get this Thing into my head, and I will not rest until I find it. Things have included the perfect backpack, accordions, a gray and black plaid skirt, and tie-dyed socks, to name a few. Lately there have been two Things. First, a blue shirt in the exact shade of blue that looks fantastic on me, you know, that shade of blue that is the exact color of nothing, anywhere in a store in shirt form. Second, days of the week underpants. I have been looking for a while, and after weeding out the options that were either absurdly expensive, or had a giant seam up the back for instant super wedgie (Why are underpants manufacturers doing this? As if thongs weren’t bad enough. Lofty though my ideals may be, I do not need my underwear taking the high road.), I was left with either a pack for $29.99 online -$36.98 with shipping- or a pack for $6.99 at Target.
The issue here is that the ones from Target are from the kids’ department. Every so often, I will buy something from the kids’ department because I can, but I worry that this is extremely creepy, especially when it comes to underpants. The thing is, I just could not see spending $36.98 for seven underpants. Relatively, that is not terribly expensive; it works out to $5.28205714 per… underpant? which is about what one would pay for the more expensive stuff at Target, or the less expensive stuff at Victoria’s Secret. Still, it seems like a lot, as if it should be less expensive because I am buying in bulk. I went back and forth about this for a few days, and then yesterday decided to buy the pack from Target. It’s just pieces of cotton and elastic, I figured, and if I am not supposed to wear them, they should stop making them in my size. Besides, it is not so much that I have gotten that small -proportionally, I still have ample booty- but that kids have gotten larger.
As it turned out, I picked up the wrong pack and had to return them today. I came to my senses, and decided that there will be no misappropriated underpants. I proudly paid for my foil and manicure sticks and left.
Then I changed my mind. Fuck it, it IS just pieces of cotton and elastic. What does it matter which section of the store it comes from? So, I went back to Target, and now I have days of the week underpants, and I am delighted because the Tuesday ones are purple.
I know that there are at least a few of you out there -hi!- wondering if I am going to post pictures of myself in my Misbehaving Tuesday underpants. How could I not?
Maybe the real reason I went back and bought these was that I didn’t want to wait another week to post a picture of myself with underpants on my head.
Other misbehavior: had cookies for lunch, painted toenails, drove around in the sunshine.
One more time:
RSS
From the tiny thumbnails in the newsfeed (which looked even tinier on my phone), I thought you were wearing a purple Devo hat.
Glad I read all the way through (and not just because of the pics of you in your purple underpants) – I was totally going to say that you have a sharpie and a sewing machine: two perfectly serviceable options for making your own days-of-the-week underpants. It looks like I said it anyway, though.
NB/caveat: There’s are very few things scarier to a dude than taking off a dame’s “Tuesday” underpants on Saturday night. Well, some dudes.
Ted, I have a bit of a pioneer spirit, but making my own underpants is where I draw the line.
Memo to self: getting days of the week underwear mixed up can send an unpleasant message.