Misbehaving Tuesday: Ironic Edition

First of all, yesterday I saw a man pushing a baby carriage full of bananas, and I don’t want to forget that.

Second, around 2:15 this afternoon, this was my view.

The fact that this is what I was doing at 2:15 on a Tuesday afternoon means that I have absolutely nothing in the world to complain about ever, at all, except for the excessively noisy kids in my neighborhood and that sometimes my dog barks at leaves for hours at a time. Still, it was a really odd Misbehaving Tuesday. There was a shadow over each bit of fun, like a black fly misbehaving in the chardonnay, green lights when I was already there, and ten thousand misbehaving spoons when I all I needed was a knife. And isn’t it ironic? Yeah, it’s really not. It is somewhat unfortunate and coincidental, but it is not ironic, and now I have that song stuck in my head. This also is an example of something that is a bummer, but not ironic. Dammit, Alanis.

Really, everything about the day was a little dark and light. On my way into town, I saw an accident happen on 83. About three or four cars in front of me, the driver of a car in the left lane hit the median, and the car spun across three lanes of traffic and hit the wall on the other side. Somehow, no other cars were hit, or in other accidents trying to avoid the car that was out of control and all of the parts of it flying across the highway. Traffic came to a stop and I saw the car on the side of the road. Most of the front half was gone. The driver stepped out, collapsed on the street, but was able to get himself back up quickly and walk around the car. I tried to pull over to help, but I was in the center lane and couldn’t get over without causing another accident. By that time, three other cars had pulled over, and all of the drivers had phones out, so I didn’t feel too irresponsible or callus for not stopping. This also was not ironic, but it was very upsetting.

Oddly, I saw almost the exact same accident a few miles north on 83 about two years ago. It was the same time of day, a car hit the median, spun across all the lanes of traffic, and came to a stop on the other side. When that one happened, I was the only person who stopped to help the driver. Again, not ironic. An unfortunate coincidence, but not ironic.

Anyway, the pedicure today – complete with hot stone massage, scrub, and all sorts of other goodies – was my end of semester present to myself. It was overpriced for what it was, but still cheaper than heroin and unfortunately, probably as addicting. I find it hard to believe that it is legal for me to pay some one to do that. While I was thinking through the list of sex acts that a good foot massage surpasses and also considering that perhaps I should give myself a raise to accommodate twice monthly pedicures and foot massages, it occurred to me that it might be a better strategy to get ONE foot massage for Scott, so he can learn how to give me a proper foot massage twice monthly or more, and then I won’t have to give myself a raise.

On second thought, either way I’m going to pay for it.

The polish itself looks nice, but I think I do a better job of the painting part. Still, it was certainly delightful having attention paid to cuticles and heels and such (not to mention spending ninety minutes in a massage chair) and everything is as smooth and happy as can be. Of course, as soon as I left the salon, I stopped at my car for a moment and grazed my foot with the door, leaving a mark in the polish on my left big toe. No one else would notice it, but I do. This, too, is unfortunate, but not ironic.

Before heading back home, I walked up a to certain vegetarian restaurant I have visited on other Misbehaving Tuesdays, which shall remain name nameless, but is fairly well known in Baltimore and maybe the name sounds a bit like “thicksquid girth.” I like their smoothies, even though the visit on my birthday left me questioning their sanitation. After my visit there today, I no longer question their sanitation. I am certain it sucks. No matter how much I love the smoothies, I will not go back, which is yet another non-ironic bummer.

So that was the day, beautiful and weird, dark and light, upsetting and uplifting all at once. But not ironic*.

Alanis Morissette – Ironic
- Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

*See? The title of the post is “Ironic Edition” but the whole post is about things that aren’t ironic. Now THAT is ironic.