In other words, it’s impossible to be perfectly anything, and you do the best you can with the information and resources you have. But, knowing that perfection is impossible isn’t an excuse to be reckless or lazy.

Which brings me to the fact that we’re kind of broke. The past eighteen months, and especially the past year have been financially ridiculous. The plumbing debacle was what finally put me over the edge and put us back in super crazy cheap mode until we can start wrastlin’ some more income. As in, other than food*, if it doesn’t come from the dollar store, we can’t afford it. I’ve been diligent over the years about buying only home and body products that are not tested on animals, and always buying the vegan versions if available. But, there comes a point when a sixteen dollar bottle of conditioner, heck even a six dollar bottle of conditioner, just isn’t in the budget. I am fortunate that there are some good ethics hacks out there: the dishwasher soap, dish soap, and razors at the dollar store are produced by companies manufacture in the USA and do not do animal testing, and Breck conditioner – another dollar store item -claims not to be tested on animals, although the parent company may test.

Usually, the parent company testing would take something off my list, but these are different times, and I’ve had to bend some of my ethics. The item that is really getting me is lotion. Aside from the ethics of the companies that make inexpensive lotions, there are the ingredients themselves. When I see a long list of chemicals I can’t pronounce, the thought of absorbing that stuff into my skin gives me the willies. But at the same time, I’m itchy.

The point in all of this is that I don’t really have any answers, and this is another opportunity to explore my ethical constitution, at least with regard to what I support with my money. Certainly, it would be more pleasant to have the means to always buy the organic vegan version of everything, but I’ve learned over the years that getting too comfortable in any set of values, even good ones, can lead to rigidity and narrow-mindedness. So, while I’m not about to go out and buy bacon shampoo, being forced to bend has its gifts.

*I am compelled to add, for anyone wondering, that if one stays away from processed foods and fake meat, vegetarian / vegan eating is dirt cheap, if you’ll pardon the pun. Between the two of us, there are five organic, veggie meals a day in our house for $60 a week.

I decided to lift my fiction embargo for the week we’re at the beach. At the strong yet subtle urging of the universe, I also decided that Harry Potter would be among my beach reading selections, along with a few books by Yasunari Kawabata, and maybe a yoga thing or two. I went to Borders tonight to buy a copy of the first book. (No way I would get this one from the library – icky kid germs. I’m that way.) It’s been a long day, and I was determined not to linger. Just march in, hit the young adult section, grab a copy, and get on my way. Thing was, I couldn’t find it, even after perusing the shelves several times I realized that I would rather continue lurking in the young adult section, feeling like I was going to end up on a watch list somewhere, than suffer the embarrassment of admitting that my intellectual ass was both looking for and unable to find Harry Potter.

It’s not like I’ve got that douchey notion that things that are popular can not also be good. Lots of things are both popular and good. Chocolate chip cookies, for example. Sex. The Beatles. I am not a douche. Still, I could not bring myself to ask. I wandered the store (at least the part that still sells books) for a while, and there were all of these books by fabulous authors that I just haven’t gotten around to yet. Gabriel Garcia Marquez. William Faulkner. Good, useful things to put in my brain over vacation! Somewhere between Joyce Carol Oates and Chaim Potok, I saw Fight Club, and decided that would be a great pick for the week. It’s been on my meaning-to-read-it list for over nine years. Perfect. Not too heavy, but still excellent modern writing. I was on my way to the register, when I noticed the little self-service kiosk. I stopped, checked to make sure no one was watching, typed in “Harry Potter,” and quickly learned why I couldn’t find it. It’s in the kids’ section.

I made my way back to the kids’ section, and picked up a copy, fully expecting the be appalled by the first paragraph. I read the first two pages, and it made me smile. The painfully insistent Britishness of it reminded me of the Hitchhiker’s Guide, which I loved; those books shaped my sense of humor considerably. Of course, I also loved them when I was fourteen, and while I still enjoy quoting them… well, who I am kidding? I am sure I would enjoy the trilogy as much now as I did the first few times I read it. Even knowing that, I decided that if I was going to fill my head with fiction for the next week, it was going to be more useful.

Twenty minutes later, driving down 83, I was still grinning about the guy getting ready for work and picking out his most boring tie.

So, maybe I’ll go back tomorrow morning. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll read it, and get inspired, and I’ll write something that is both popular and successful and enthralls everyone in the universe except for people like me, and I’ll be wealthy and powerful enough to go blonde and buy a normal looking nose for myself, just like J.K. Rowling did. Actually, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to buy a new nose. But I could definitely bring myself to buy a group of people who would tell me that my nose is normal, and sometimes even glamorous.

Foop.

I went to a 6:00 am class today with some nervousness about teaching afterward, but by the time I got to Federal Hill, I felt fine and ready to teach, and I am sure I would have taught well had any students shown up. I stopped at Target on the way home to get some Bikram – appropriate shorts (and a new thermal mug! and some cute little purses, including one that is orange and shaped like a flower! and some underpants! because I have birthday cash and why the hell not! I am so frugal otherwise! Party time!), then got home to find that my web design class was cancelled today. Apparently, the universe looks favorably upon me getting my butt back out the door before sunrise to exercise my body, and gave me the day off to adjust to the new morning activity. I feel pretty damn good. Early mornings may be the way for me to do this over the summer, before I’ve experienced the full heat of the day. Now that I think of it, this may be the first time since we moved to Baltimore that I have been back to an early morning workout. It worked for me for two years in Silver Spring, and I forgot how good it feels.

I do like the sameness of the practice each time. While I wouldn’t want my entire yoga practice to be like that, having one part of it that way is invigorating and motivating. Since Astanga bothers my back, this may be the way for me to have that in my practice.

Except that I have to pay for it. Pay for yoga? What a concept. I haven’t done that in… ever, I think. I wonder if I could do some kind of trade with them, other than cleaning the studio. Food for thought, AFTER the semester ends.

In other news, the new handsoap I got smells like my grandmother. I keep smelling my hands and getting happy.

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*    ALVY    Honey, there's a spider in your bathroomthe size of a Buick.

He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.

    ANNIE    Well, okay.  Oooh.

Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet inone band, rolled magazine in the other.  He looks over atthe shelf above the sink and picks up a small container.He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.

    ALVY  Hey, what is this?  You got black soap?    ANNIE     (Off screen)It's for my complexion.